Gotcha Day October 8, 2013

We woke up nervous and excited.  We all tried to quickly get showers and make sure we had all we needed in our diaper bag just in case we felt she'd need something early on. We planned on going straight from breakfast downstairs and then up to the conference room to start our meeting.

After breakfast, Jacob had to go upstairs to go the restroom and I was nervous we would be late, but I ran upstairs with him quickly and told Matt and Aidan we'd meet them up there.  We made it in time and most of everyone else was already waiting.  We have four other families in our agency's group.  There are the Bujonseks (Tanya, Jason, and Aubrey), who are the family we went to Beijing with, Susan and Medray Carpenter, Tina and Tom O'Brien,  and Jennifer and T.W. Jackson, along with their 10 year old daughter, Emma.   We were all experiencing the same feelings and thought it was exciting to be able to experience this time together.

Our guide, Evelyn, started the meeting and told us plenty of interesting things about how the Chinese care for their babies.  We learned that they potty train very, very early. (She said from "newborn age", but I'm sure how literal she meant this).  But Ellie Kay was in the potty training stage and only wore "self made" diapers at night.  They are also changed standing up by just switching out a new cloth diaper and sticking it under an elastic band. So, we were told to expect them to be fearful when we make them lay down for diaper changes.  We were taught a few Chinese phrases of comfort to help them calm down - ones that mean "it's OK" or "sweet baby girl" and "I love you". We were taught that they like their milk or water much hotter than American babies do.   It was all very helpful info because for the first little bit, it's not our job to change everything at once, but to provide as much
familiar comfort as we can so that we can gain her trust.

Evelyn got 2 calls during the meeting, one from the Nanchang orphanage (where the Jackson family's baby was) and one from the Wanzai orphanage (where Ellie Kay was).   (Although both of these babies were in foster care based out of those orphanages).  They were both calling to confirm what time to bring babies.  It made both families excited and nervous when she announced who was calling on the caller ID.

Then, all in a blur, babies started arriving.  Rachel, who is the Bujnosek's baby was first. We all jumped in to grab their cameras and video camera so that they could focus on her and not pictures and videos.  She was a good first one, because she was so calm, little, and sweet.  It was very much like being in the delivery room watching a birth.  It was incredible to watch families joining together for the first time.   It gets much more fuzzy in my memory after that, because babies started coming quickly. I know the Carpenters' and Jacksons' babies came pretty close together.  I remember at least one of these babies was very scared at first.

Then, our moment came.  All of a sudden, the door opened and there was petite, beautiful baby with a caregiver attempting to feed her a bottle to calm her.  Matt had right before that accidentally left his video camera running and taken up a lot of memory, so right before she came in, his phone said there was as no memory.   He was busy deleting that last video when she walked in.  So I tried to speak over the hubbub to get Matt's attention that she was here, and he said, "That's her!?"  We were super surprised to see her so quickly, because immediately before that, they said they were heading up soon on the elevator and 5 seconds later they were walking through the door.

She was so sweet and little.  The orphanage director directed the nanny to hand Ellie Kay to me.  She at first let me hold her and feed her the bottle , but then decided I was not who she wanted to see today.  (We later learned from our guide that the director said she is very scared of strangers).  She was very upset, arched her back, and tried to get away.  Our guide said we could have a little bit in our rooms before 1 parent need to head back up to start paperwork. We went up to our room and for the next couple of hours or so, she cried and cried and cried.  I can't imagine how sad she must be to lose her first mother.  I don't talk or look or smell like her foster mom, and I honestly haven't found how to comfort her just yet.   She doesn't take a pacifier, and when she's really, really worked up, she won't take a bottle either.  We also learned that she slept with her foster mom.  (She hasn't preferred to fall asleep with us yet).  I felt so heartbroken for her - for all she had lost, And I had an overwhelming sadness for her foster mom too.  I can't imagine her feelings right now. I hope soon to write a letter to her thanking her for all of her care.  Little hints have shown us that she received good care - not a speck of diaper rash, etc.  We also received translated info that we needed to play with her at night to get her back to sleep.  Not our choice of parenting style, but an uncaring person would not have slept with her or chosen to play with a baby in the middle of the night.

Matt and the boys went down to do paperwork first while I held Ellie Kay. She cried the whole time, but I just held her, and spoke gently to her and offered food and bottles.  Then, the boys came up saying Daddy needed Ellie Kay and me downstairs for signatures and fingerprinting. After that was finished up, it was time to go on the whirlwind tour of governmental offices to make things official.  We ran up to the room to grab last minute diaper bags, etc and Matt held Ellie Kay while I gathered things. All of a sudden, I heard the crying stop and instead a definite laugh.  She was playing with Matt's chin and he made a funny playful noise and she thought it was great.  That was a turning point and for the next few minutes you would have never known she was sad just a bit before.

The afternoon was a little rough on the babies and parents.  We had no lunch that day, but grabbed granola bars and jerky to eat on the van.  We first went to the Jiangxi province registration office.  We paid fees, filled out more paperwork, and met with the orphanage directors to ask any questions. I asked how they out Ellie Kay to sleep and that's how I found out her sleeping arrangement.  I also asked if she had any nickname, which she does.  It's pronounced "Shau Jia".  I'll have the get the actual spelling later when I can get someone to translate it from Chinese.  We gave our gifts at that point (as do all adoptive families).  I also asked her to please thank the foster mom for me for her care.  The director asked for a picture of our family with Ellie Kay.  I hate she was crying in it and hope that it doesn't worry the foster mother.  After that, we just waited for our guide to finalize paperwork for us.  There were many people in a very stuffy, smoky room.  (Many people in China smoke, and they smoke everywhere!). It seemed we had to wait there forever, but we were probably only there for an hour or so.

Then, we headed to the notary official where we paid through our guide, gave another gift, and answered questions such as, "Do you promise never to abandon her?"

Then, lastly for us was the passport photo office to get EK's passport pic. This was the hardest for us by far.  They asked us to hold the babies on our knees and then lean away from them so we would not be in the pic.  And they told us that the babies couldn't cry in the pic.  I mentioned she's afraid of strangers, right?  When our turn came, she screamed.  They tried shaking toys, playing music, talking to her in Chinese... Nothing worked.  My guide told me, "Take her out, calm her down, and then bring her back".  Ok - no pressure!  She's known me for how many hours now?   Susan's baby was having trouble too, but Marin finally stopped crying for a couple of seconds to at least snap the pic. Ellie Kay was the only left so we tried again.  They tried all the tricks again and again none of them worked.  Our guide tried to do it since she's Chinese and she could understand her, but since she's a stranger, that didn't work either.  They told me to take her away again to calm her down.  I hated that the whole tired group of babies was going to have to wait on us.  Finally, after waiting only a little bit, Evelyn came out and said they were able to get one from they had taken.  Evidently, they must have snapped one in a way that doesn't appear she's screaming her head off.  I have a copy of it and still not sure how they captured it.  She led us across the hall to another office where we gave yet another gift and they took another picture.  This one didn't matter if the babies were crying or not thankfully, since Ellie Kay certainly was.

Everyone was hungry and craving American food so the driver dropped the guys off at KFC for take out.  It was rush hour with absolutely crazy drivers and there was nowhere to park.  Our van parked on a close side street, but a traffic policeman got into an argument with our van driver, and he even opened up our van driver's door and they were loudly arguing with each other.  Our driver moved on, fortunately, because we were slightly nervous since we couldn't understand the language or know how serious the infraction was.

The KFC was good but pretty little portions and even their regular stuff is pretty spicy, which is fine since we like spicy.  Jiangxi province is known for spicy foods, and their girls are known as "spicy girls".  :).  Ellie Kay is trying to prove her spiciness at times.

After dinner, we changed Ellie Kay of her clothes that she came to us in.  We tried to delay that part as long as possible because it was the only familiar thing she had left.  Because of a really dirty diaper, we also bathed her which was tough. She acted like we were torturing her, so we made it super quick.  She also didn't like having pajamas on her.

EK was exhausted early because she had an emotional, tiring day full of changes and no naps.  She actually took her bottle the first night. It was a small 4 oz bottle with the nipple of it cut very, very large - basically a big, gaping hole.  She gets so much cereal in hers it would take an opening that big.  She went to bed about 7:30 and woke only once at 3am or so.  She was still exhausted, so she took another bottle and went back to bed.  She woke up happy around 7am.  Good first night.