Learning Curve

Matt and I are keenly aware that we have a lot of work to do to prepare for this new little person who will soon enter our family.  However, how do we completely prepare for the unexpected?  I'm reading as much as I'm able about attachment, bonding, and the grief of the adopted child over leaving everything she's ever known.   But, I have to remember that every child is different, and I will never completely know her history.  Some parents of adopted Chinese children are fortunate to know where their child was abandoned, and precious few get notes that accompany their children.  So, we'll get this little one, who won't be able to tell us how she was treated or if she was hungry every night (most orphans rarely have ever felt full).  We've been educated about the possibilities of food hoarding and how we can try to use food as a method to build trust with her.  It's so very new to think about.  With our three boys, we have known intimately all of their experiences from the moment of their births, so we're definitely voyaging on unchartered waters.

We recently discovered this video from a Christian family who adopted 2 daughters from the foster care system.  They do such a great job of showing that there's more than just the rosy side of adoption.  The adjustment was even harder for them, because their 2 adopted girls were older than our daughter will be and had experienced very difficult things and came from an unstable home.  The adoptive mother discusses her own grief of having not been there at their births and missing all of the firsts and the beginning of life which is such (in her words)  "a basic level of parenting".  But, even through such disruption and chaos that their family experienced during this transition, they asked, "What's the alternative for these children"?  Adoption isn't always the easiest road, but it is a great question for all of us to consider:  What Are the alternatives for the orphan?  


Sozo: Beauty Through Pain Documentary from BadCab Productions on Vimeo.